Thursday, May 15, 2014

A loss for words

Sometimes I feel like I should have so much to say and experiences and thoughts to share with the world, yet my mind is a blank slate. My thoughts are jumbled, my emotions unstable and these days I seem to feel mostly like I am drowning in a sea of confusion and indecisiveness. We have been in Dubai now for 4 months and more than ever I find myself constantly questioning my decisions. Knowing that I could somehow make better ones and do more.

It's a strange feeling to have no control over something. And while there are certain things that will forever remain out of our control, there are others we can control. For me, I feel like I have lost control over my daughters education. I have placed her education in the hands of others. And although I am happy with her school as is she, and while she is visibly learning so much everyday, I cant shake the fact that somehow I could provide her with more, with a better education, more experiences and learning opportunities and that  I am limiting her. There are only so many hours in a day and only so many days in a week, months in year, and so on. I am losing time with every day that passes. All I notice is how much she has grown as a person and physically of course. But is she growing into the person I want her to be? Are our priorities for her education being placed above everything else? Most of the time the answer I come up with is NO! And that causes me to feel like I must make immediate changes.

These changes will not come easy either. Making the decision to pull her out of her alternative school and homeschool her full-time would mean a major life transition and adjustment. Especially with a 3yr old and a baby on the way. But I have been unable to school her at home the way I used to when she was only in school until 12:30. Now the day has extended to 2pm as she has gotten bigger. Although I have managed to fit in a couple of extras such as swimming and Quran, I don't like to put too much into the week. I like the kids to have lots of free play time. Hopefully I will continue to make improvements in their education that I believe in and that these changes are the right decision.

No comments:

Post a Comment